is there someone to talk to?

is there ever anyone listening?



I don't know why I expected anything else.





I've felt nauseous for hours now.

I've thought about it

not in love. just need to be.


I need something to prove that it's worth it, that people are worth a damn, that anything matters at all.

I've always had the belief it works out and I really have begun to doubt it.

If it's all just random and people are all terrible and shallow and selfish then I'm gonna' be pissed...because I'm that far behind....I could have been that guy the whole time...right?


And if it doesn't matter, then maybe I shouldn't bother trying to please anyone but myself.


I really don't think that's me.

what?

what exactly happened last night?

well, something went wrong here....

and that's really the only way I can say it.




I was happy, dammit.

just a question....

what was I thinking??


what AM I thinking?!?!?!




---


P.S. you again?!?

whine, whine, whine.....

please sir, shut the fuck up.



what the fuck was with that dream?


This is going to fuck with my head for a wHile!

I have a bad habit.....

I trick myself into thinking I am sane...and then a day like today comes along and washes away this barrier/facade/image that give me hope that I'll make it alone.


I keep telling myself that I am worth it, but I have NEVER believed it. What a hypocrite....